I can't finish the true story yet because I still don't know how it comes out, so in the meantime, pace my secret lover Sierra, here's a day in the life of Travener:
6:30 a.m. - Get up.
6:31 a.m. - Make coffee. Take HBP meds. Go get newspaper in rain. Get coffee, take newspaper outside, drink coffee, smoke three (3) cigarettes, read newspaper front section.
7:00 a.m. - Call upstairs for son to get up, get dressed for middle school.
7:01 a.m. - Return outside, drink second cup of coffee, smoke two (2) cigarettes, finish newspaper.
7:15 a.m. - Yell upstairs for son to get his ass out of bed, already.
7:20 a.m. - Tell son to change the shirt he's been wearing for three days and remind him he needs to brush his hair.
7:21 a.m. - Log on to computer, check: e-mail, NYT, do NYT sudoku.
7:45 a.m. - Drive son to middle school.
8:00 a.m. - Call upstairs for daughter to get up, get dressed for elementary school.
8:05 a.m. - Take second section of paper and third cup of coffee outside. Smoke two (2) cigarettes. Do NYT crossword puzzle.
8:20 a.m. - Yell upstairs for daughter to get her ass out of bed already.
8:25 a.m. - Remind daughter that it's still winter and she will need to wear socks to school.
8:26 a.m. - Check Daily Kos, Andrew Sullivan. Log on to BigL. Check Absolute Write for the hell of it. Check the Daily Beast, Politico.
8:55 a.m. - Drive daughter to elementary school.
9:05 a.m. - Check e-mail. Check Blogger Dashboard. Make snide comments on blogs, as appropriate.
9:50 a.m. - Eat daily complement of Dark Green Vegetable (spinach).
9:55 a.m. - Check e-mail.
10:00 a.m. - Go downstairs and get on exercise cycle while watching whatever DVD's in from Netflix (this week: Ken Burns' The West).
10:45 a.m. - Return upstairs, make green tea. Take vitamins and fish-oil capsules.
11:00 a.m. - Check e-mail.
11:01 a.m. - Go outside, drink green tea, read, smoke one (1) cigarette.
11:15 a.m. - Check e-mail.
11:16 a.m. - 2:00 p.m. - Some combination of read, write, check e-mail, watch CNN, garden, mow lawn, do home maintenance, pay bills, worry about paying bills, talk to spousal unit (if she's up), go to grocery store, clean clothes, clean house, once in a blue moon meet a friend for coffee.
2:00 p.m. - Hardball with Chris Matthews.
2:45 p.m. - Pick up son from middle school.
2:55 p.m. - Check e-mail.
3:00 p.m. - Go outside, read, smoke one (1) cigarette.
3:15 p.m. - Tell son to get ready for tae kwon do.
3:20 p.m. - Remind son to get ready for tae kwon do.
3:30 p.m. - Take son, pick up daughter from elementary school.
3:45 p.m. - Deliver child units to tae kwon do.
3:46 p.m. - Pick up grande decaf Sumatra Clover Brewed coffee at Starbucks.
3:47 - 4:29 p.m. - Read, drink coffee, smoke three (3) cigarettes.
4:30 p.m. - Pick up child units from tae kwon do.
4:45 p.m. - Check e-mail.
4:46 p.m. - Settle argument between child units over who gets to go on the Internet first. Demand proof they have no homework.
4:50 p.m. - Read, smoke one (1) cigarette.
5:00 - 6:00 p.m. - Get and open mail, try to figure what to make child units for dinner, read, smoke one (1) cigarette.
6:00 p.m. - Make dinner for child units. Settle argument over whose turn it is to set table. Wind up setting table myself.
6:20 p.m. - Serve dinner. Respond to son's complaint by reminding him he doesn't have to eat potatoes if he doesn't want to.
7:00 p.m. - Go to Girl Scout meeting with daughter.
8:00 p.m. - Kick son off computer, check e-mail.
8:01 p.m. - American Idol, whether I want it or not.
8:45 p.m. - Smoke one (1) cigarette.
8:46 p.m. - Remind son that tonight for sure he has to shampoo his hair and cut his nails.
9:00 p.m. - Send son to bed, reminding him that tonight for sure he has to shampoo his hair and cut his nails.
9:01 p.m. - Read, smoke two (2) cigarettes.
9:30 p.m. - Check to see if son is out of shower yet.
9:31 p.m. - Tell daughter to log off computer and go to bed.
9:35 p.m. - Remind daughter to log off the computer and go to bed already.
9:38 p.m. - Tell daughter to get off the damn computer now I mean it now.
9:59 p.m. - Check if daughter is out of bath yet.
10:00 p.m. - Seinfeld.
10:10 p.m. - Call upstairs for daughter to get out of shower and into bed.
10:20 p.m. - Greet spousal unit returning from "work."
10:30 p.m. - Call upstairs for everyone to turn their lights off.
10:31 p.m. - Seinfeld.
10:35 p.m. - Call upstairs for everyone to turn their lights off now I mean it now.
11:00 p.m. - Check e-mail.
11:01 p.m. - Sleep.