Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Mr. Gloomypants Speaks

"Now, a lot of readers of this 'weblog' -- well, a few of what's left of the readership -- have seen fit to chastise Trav as a 'Mr. Gloomypants' for expressing a certain amount of, shall we say, cynical detachment concerning the full and partial mss. that are currently in the hands of -- or at any rate, sitting in the computer files of -- these semi-mythical beings known as 'agents.'

"'A well-worn cynicism is the saddle beneath my butt of hope,' says I, Mr. Gloomypants. 'It is the glue with which I keep my noggin from exploding off my neck.'

"Well into the second year of his AgentQuest(TM) now, the most recent outburst of my alter ego, Trav (see below), is merely the logical expression of his experience of the aforementioned AQ, which has been, since roughly Day 2, a cavalcade of rejection and hope gone to rot.

"Added to which, he had seriously hoped that 2010 would turn out better than 2009, which sucked slimewater through a fire hose (in which suckiness the AQ played only a secondary role), but only 45 days are left before 2010 turns out to have been, no-if-ands-or-buts, worse than the preceding year.  Something neither Trav nor Mr. Gloomypants could possibly have believed if they hadn't seen it lay itself out before their own eyes, day after frakking day.

"So, in short, Mr. Gloomypants, speaking on behalf of Trav, says he will take a powder when he has good reason to, and not before.

"Thank you for your attention to this matter."

8 comments:

  1. That's a suckass pair of years. But I'm just trying to figure out the quotes in your post. Who is speaking here? Mr. Gloomypants? Someone on his behalf? What happened to Trav?

    I'm flummoxed.

    And the word verification is nonsers. Seems about right.

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  2. Hey, you're no less confused than I am, and I wrote the damn post.

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  3. Look, no one will ever try to talk you out of your pessimism about the world of publishing. God knows it's a miracle we haven't all sucked down a quart of hemlock by now. All's I'm sayin' is, you've got to think -- in some part of that Mr. Gloomypants brain -- that getting pubbed is still a realistic possibility, otherwise I worry about when you do get an agent and then get a book deal. You might end up dead of shock, like that Stieg Larsson* guy. He died before he saw his books in print and missed out on all the international acclaim. Bad years aside, THAT, my friend, would truly suck.

    *I actually have no idea what killed the guy. It might have been bad herring.

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  4. Dear Mr. Gloomypants,
    Samuel Park had an interesting post today you might want to take a peak at. You might be a gloomypants but you make me laugh.

    http://dailypepforwriters.blogspot.com/2010/11/success-comes-late-to-writers.html

    If I was smarter I would know how to post a link within a comment but you'll figure it out.

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  5. Who cares what they think Trav. A healthy dose of cynicism and a melancholy disposition is completely normal amongst a great many creative people, and if you're writer enough to ham it up a notch for your blog posts then all the more power to you. All the best on the next round of submissions.

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  6. Oh, Mr. Sassy Gloomypants then.

    KLM, Stieg Larsson died before published, but he had had his books accepted by the published (and agent, maybe), so he enjoyed knowing he'd made it to at least the pearly gates of publishing before he went to actual pearly gates.

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  7. Besides, do you know why we give you so much shit about your gloom? It's because WE ALL THINK THE SAME THING OURSELVES, BUT WE TRY VERY HARD TO KEEP THE MONSTER AT BAY AND YOU AREN'T HELPING, YOU'RE INVITING THE MONSTER CLOSER!

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  8. And yet, our Travs wouldn't quite be Travs without being glum, either. So I kind of don't want you to change either.

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