Friday, December 31, 2010

Hello? 2010? Fuck off!

That's really all I've got to say on the subject.  I thought 2009 was tough; this last year practically killed me.  I'm just about at the end of my rope.  I am nearly ropeless.  I am tired of being poor, of looking over my shoulder every damn day to see if I can pay the bills, feed the family, buy my kids a fucking ice cream cone.  I used to make a hundred and thirty-five fucking thousand dollars a year!  How did this happen?  Oh, yeah, I thought I'd retire early to write, trusting in the spousal unit to bring home some money.  And she chose to go into real estate.  In December 2007.  It seems funny in an oddly self-immolizing sort of way.  Maybe I'll laugh at it some day.

Plus there was that whole "Nice Agent Lady" fiasco.

So, 2010, go fuck yourself. Far ti fotere. Va te faire foutre. Chinga tu madre. Yebat' tvoyoo mat'.

Monday, December 6, 2010

And Another Full Bites the Dust

Oh, this is turning into just the best Christmas ever.  Nearly three months after she requested it, another agent has turned down my magnum opus, saying it's well done but "seemed to lack a certain urgency, if that makes any sense."

Of course it makes sense.  It means you didn't like it.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Query Bomb Full Request No. 4

Query Bomb(tm) II brought in a request for a full today.  It's a double-plus-good request, since the query was accompanied by the first 50 pages.  If they liked that, maybe they'll like the rest....  I'm not super-crazy about the agency, which seems a little light in the mystery-thriller experience, but I'm focusing on the positive here -- for once.

UPDATE: Well, no sooner had I written this and picked up my son from school than I arrived to find a rejection of an earlier partial: "Despite wonderfully descriptive and strong writing," the agent "didn't quite fall in love with the story and characters." Or so she says.  So things have kind of evened out, I guess.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Why I Hate Literary Agents

I was reminded this morning, as I racked up another rejection in the Query Bomb(tm) Tracker, what I hate most about literary agents -- when they don't bother to respond to your query at all.  As I've written before, there's no real excuse for this.  I can understand agents not wanting to get into a dialogue with some "writer" who won't take no for an answer, but it's easy enough to set up an auto-rejection macro that comes from a no-reply email address so all you've got to do is hit "ctrl-N" (for "No") and off you go.  Let some pissed-off writer try to reply to that.  I don't know crap about computers, but even I could set that up.  I'm pretty sure I could.

So, what do you hate most about literary agents?