Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Why 'Avatar' Sucks

I walked out on Avatar.  OK, actually I just turned off the DVD after about an hour.  I know a lot of you will say to me, "Listen, you can't appreciate it unless you're in the theater with the big screen and the 3-D effects and all," to which I reply: bleh.  If a movie can't stand on its story alone, it can't stand at all, and the writing in Avatar is, in a word, awful.

Now, I'm not an anti-Cameronite.  Terminator is a great movie.  I loved Aliens.  I even sort of liked The Abyss, even if the science was nonsense (I don't care how much fluid he had in his lungs, Ed Harris would have been squashed into a pancake long before he got all the way to the bottom of the sea where the aliens lived).  Titanic was tolerable but it foreshadowed the decline of Cameronism: the dialogue was written to enable effects, rather than the effects designed to enable the movie.  I've seen all the characters in Avatar before: the young Marine, the evil corporate honcho, the mad scientist.  And the dialogue sounds as if it were written for 12-year-olds.  Which I think it was.

Anyway, if it's any consolation for you Avatarophiles out there, I was bored to death by the Lord of the Rings movies, too.

Survived the Girl Scout campout by reading a book far from the other parents and just waiting it out.  Still no Fedex from the nice agent lady so if I've gotten nothing by mid-week, I'm going to e-mail her.  I believe I have been patient. 

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Last Girl Scout...

The last Girl Scout campout with my daughter, that is.  We take off in a couple of hours.  Next year, she'll be out of Girl Scouts and into her clique-ridden Mean Girl upper-middle-class middle school.  I'll just be older--older than I ever thought possible.  And where on the road to being published will I be?  It's gotten to be such an absurdly long slog that I'd even forgotten to note the eighth-month anniversary of AgentQuest (TM).  Kind of scary how a book is like a baby:  at first you count their age in days, then weeks, then months, then years.  Then they stop being a little kid and go off to middle school.  But in my book's case, it's still stuck in the nursery.

Oh, fiddle dee dee.  I'll think about that tomorrow...

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Why I Haven't Posted Much Lately

I know I haven't posted much lately, though I thought the graph I put up yesterday -- was it yesterday? -- was pretty funny and would have drawn more than three of my occasional readers loyal followers in.  Sigh.  What can I say?  I already confessed to lack of marital cohesion.  Lack of Fedex from the nice but maybe not so efficient agent lady.  I spend all my day now writing crap articles for little money when not shepherding the child units around or dealing with the spousal unit's dyspepsia.  In short, life sucks right now.  You're probably bored of hearing about it.  I know I'm bored of living it.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

This Explains It All


And you wondered why you were hitting the Scotch with abandon.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

TPO Thursday

Whew.  This is finishing up as a Totally Pooped Out Thursday and I still haven't dragged my son and my ass to his orchestra concert tonight.  And where TF is the spousal unit?  If she's not here in 10 minutes I'll have to drag my son's 10-year-old sister along -- fine by me, but hell for her.  Spent all day blasting away at the freelancing, piling up -- ha, ha -- the big bucks, dollar by dollar.  If the spousal unit would actually sell a fucking house already I wouldn't have to sell my soul to the company store.  OK, it's really not her fault; the housing market sucks.  Still.  No Fedex from the nice agent lady which is just giving me the willies.  Is she going to be any more attentive if she actually becomes my agent lady?  And I haven't had any spousal cohesion, if you get my drift, in a fucking dog's age, first because the spousal unit had some kind of bacteriological/viral/unknown alien origin something or other going on with her lady parts, and after that it was/is a big old nasty cough that's put her off the mood -- it doesn't take much, anyway -- and so...  Oh, crap.  Gotta go to the concert.  Bye.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Busy as a Beaver With a Deadline

In addition to all the usual crap related to kids and their activities, house-husband chores and regular husband chores, I've added writing freelance for one of those online community things.  The pay's a pittance so speed and volume are key, but we are desperate enough for moolah around here that I gotta do it.  Still waiting on suggested edits from the nice agent lady; I guess if I don't get a Fedex by Wednesday I'll have to risk sounding like a whiny writer and e-mail her to see what's up.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Meaning of 'Pre-Offer' Revisions. Or, Perhaps, the Revised Meaning of 'Pre-Offer.'

The QueryTracker Blog has an interesting snippet-interview with agent Joan Paquette on why agents ask for, and what they expect from, "pre-offer" revisions here.  I took a personal interest in it, as those of you who've been following my dance with the nice agent lady will understand, but I think any would-be author would find it interesting.

I've finished a new scene as part of my revisions but am still awaiting the box o' suggestions from the nice agent lady.  It was supposed to be here last week...or even the week before (I lose track).  I am trying not to freak out about that.  I've got plenty of other stuff to freak out about now.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

101 Form Rejections on the Wall...

Well, I'm officially into a second century of query rejections as of today, when the 101st form rejection slipped into the inbox.

A hundred and fucking one.  Jaysus.

I tell ya, if things don't work out with the nice agent lady, I'm just gonna do one gigantic query bomb to every agent left on my list and fucking get it over with already.

Jaysus.

Monday, April 5, 2010

I Want to Kill My Cat

Seriously, she's been meowing for attention all fucking day as if I haven't fed/petted her enough, which I have, in fact, done, at least in the estimation of any normal cat.

Getting Back in the Groove

I got seriously off-kilter some time after the holidays (Christmas, not President's Day), allowing the regularly scheduled maintenance of my aging body (exercise, daily intake of vitamins, Dark Green Leafy Vegetable and High Fiber Heart Healthy V-8 juice) to slide, as well as putting off, faking out, and generally evading my responsibility to write, rewrite, think about/take notes on next project.

So I am trying to get back on track from the siding where I have sat, immobile, boiler unstoked, for lo these past few months.

I do this as I am still awaiting the arrival of revision suggestions from the nice agent lady.  I'm eager to get started but want to revise what she wants me to revise, not what I think she wants me to revise, ya know?  My last partial submission just got form-dissed.  A few February queries saw their rejections flitter in over the past couple of days.  The deal I have with the nice agent lady is that I won't send out any new queries while we're working together, though I can respond to outstanding queries, sending out partials, fulls, or even accepting offers of representation (I should be so lucky).  Since my big batch of January queries remains mostly unanswered, this doesn't seem likely to happen.

So...  I'm going to try to get back on schedule which means, unfortunately, I now have to close up so I can go down to the basement, get on the stationary bike, and pedal for an hour.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Grab Baggin'

James Scott Bell at The Kill Zone has some advice for grabbin' 'em on page one here.  It's the kind of advice I sure can use.

Been outta the mix the last week doin' taxes (small refund), gettin' the Forester fixed (there goes the refund, plus an additional grand), entertainin' the kids (spring break), tryin' to take care of the spousal unit (flu) and cuttin' off all my g's (ouch, that sounds nasty).